So, you’re now engaged to get married but haven’t a clue what to do, say or pay for! This article will provide you with an overview of your duties and responsibilities and links to other sections of our website where you can obtain further information.
You can find books for Men at Weddings with guides to the roles of the groom, best man and father of the bride. From pre-wedding preparation to big day duties, you’ll find tips to make your life easy and the day go smoothly
The Best Man’s Speech , features a selection of useful tips on preparing and delivering a memorable wedding speech. With sample speeches and advice for the best man. You can also find inspirations for speeches in Confetti’s book Jokes, Toasts, and One Liners for Wedding Speeches.
Choosing Your Groomsmen
Choosing your best man and ushers is not always as easy as it sounds. Traditionally, the role of best man is offered to your closest male relative or best friend. However, it should be some one that will be ready, willing and able to take on the responsibilities and duties, not only on the day itself but also during preparations. It is equally important that whomever you ask is acceptable to your bride as the day could easily be spoiled if you choose someone she isn’t comfortable with. Ushers generally are chosen from both sides of the family but can quite acceptably be a group of friends. Our article The Best Men in this series explains the roles and responsibilities of the best man and ushers.
If your wedding is being paid for by your bride’s parents it is traditionally expected that the groom will pay for the honeymoon. However, where once the groom was expected to surprise his bride with their honeymoon destination, nowadays most couples make a joint decision so that the appropriate clothing etc can be packed. Where you are not leaving for your honeymoon destination on the day of your wedding it is also your responsibility to book an appropriate venue for the nights in between.
Be sure to advise the hotel that it is your wedding night as you will be surprised at the extras that are often included free of charge. If you are flying to your honeymoon destination, also tell the airline company that you are a honeymoon couple as you may be offered extras including seat upgrades. Please visit our Honeymoons and Weddings Abroad section for details of companies offering specialist honeymoon packages.
Once the bride’s style and colour schemes have been decided upon, you need to decide upon the style of outfits you wish the men in your bridal party to wear. There are a number styles from which to choose and our article Putting On The Style in this series of grooms’ articles discusses your options in greater depth.
If you are not wearing lounge suits (day suits) it is traditionally the responsibility of the groom to pay for the hire of outfits for the best man, ushers and himself. Therefore, you will need to arrange with the other males in the wedding party (including the bride’s father) to attend the outfitters, in order that you ensure a co-ordinated look and correct fittings. Arrange to collect your outfits a day or two before your wedding so there is time to deal with any problems that may arise.
One of your more pleasant tasks is the choosing and buying of your bride’s wedding ring, a duty that is normally undertaken together. You are then responsible for the collection and payment for the ring and its safekeeping until the day of the wedding when you can pass this responsibility on to your best man. If you are to receive a wedding ring, it is traditional that your bride pays for it.
If you opt for a gold wedding ring, you need to consider how many carats the gold should be. A karat is the unit of measure for the fineness of gold, equal to 1/24 part. Pure gold is 24 carat; gold that is 75% pure is 18 carat. A band of pure gold will be too soft to last a lifetime, so it is hardened by alloying with other metals.
The purest gold recommended for jewellery is 22 carat, whereas the hardest wearing gold generally available is 9 carat, which is 37.5% pure. It is recommended that the fineness of your bride’s wedding ring matches her engagement ring so that one does not wear away the other. For a more technical explanation and to see examples of different gold jewelry, this article breaks down the different properties that gold has.
Preparing Your Speech
The dreaded speech is probably the one duty that you fear the most but it has to be done as it is basic courtesy to thank your guests for their attendance and gifts on behalf of you and your wife. For your own peace of mind prepare in plenty of time, giving yourself time to practise and perfect your speech. For further information about preparing for your speech, please read our article Saying The Right Thing in this grooms’ section.
Your Stag Night
Although the organisation of the stag night traditionally falls to the best man, it is advisable to try and have some involvement, bearing in mind that what your friends might consider to be a great practical joke could result in much embarrassment and explaining. Our article Last Night Of Freedom in this series of grooms’ articles, discusses stag night issues in greater depth and suggests ideas for consideration.
The Wedding Rehearsal
If you marry in church one of your last duties, before the big day, will be to attend the rehearsal. This will involve yourself and your bride, together with the best man, bridesmaid and sometimes the bride’s father, going through the order of service with the minister so that you all know what to do and where to stand etc. on the day. The rehearsal usually takes place during the week preceding your wedding.